New Seasons

I haven't written in a while because one-I have been busily finishing up my last term of all course work and two-every time I think about blogging all I can think to blog about is sleep (or lack of). By the grace of God I have made it through two terms of school with an infant. I have also had tons of help from family and my husband. Through it all still though, I am so glad that I am studying to a be a midwife. I know that God has put a desire in my heart to be a mom and a midwife and He is providing the time for me to do both. Since I started a Bible study in September I have been working hard to be diligent with my time so that I can spend time with my husband and friends while still getting school work completed on time. Some weeks I do better than others. I am becoming slightly braver when it comes to going out of the apartment with Colin. I have been to the grocery store multiple times, gone to the mall and even breastfed at the mall in an open area (with one of those nursing cover things...didn't say I was a lot more brave) because the nursing room just plain grossed me out. Moms have told me that they have left full carts at the grocery store when their child started to melt down. Well, I have to say that I am one of those moms that heads to the check out with my screaming baby because I did not make the trip to Wal-mart for nothing! I just want to tell the other people in the store who are staring at me "Moms have to shop too!" Now, I'm not going to keep browsing the aisles while my baby is hungry or tired, but I want to at least buy what I have already put in my cart.

All that to say, times are changing! I am slowly integrated my "mom" self with my other selves. Brian actually said yesterday to a friend, "We are slowly learning how to do the things we did before Colin with Colin." So just as I am moving past the novice stage, I have to deal with a new monster-day care. Right now the plan is to have Colin in day care while Brian is working and I start clinicals. We found a nice, clean, and safe day care. The only downside is that they have pretty much refused to use cloth diapers. They had some bad experiences in the past, so I guess I can understand. I am just praying that they will open up to the idea because those of you who use cloth diapers know that it really isn't all that bad. So after much anxiety and (even more) sleepless nights Colin had his first afternoon of day care.  He came home in one piece. Both afternoons that I have picked him up he has been asleep in the teacher's arms while being rocked. So that makes me feel slightly better about the whole day care situation.

I am working hard to let go of the anxiety I have about his wellbeing and health. I know that he is a healthy boy and he will be make it through germ exposures and sleeping on his stomach, but it is hard to really know it, know it. Praise God for his Word that has taught me more about His power, protection, and love over the past few months. What a God who sent His perfect son to the earth as a human so that he might relate to us. Not only relate to us, but to die on the cross for our sins once and for all.

Hebrews 10:19-25
¹⁹ Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, ²⁰ by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, ²¹ and since we have a great priest over the house of God, ²² let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. ²³ Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. ²⁴ And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, ²⁵ not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Let me take that energy that I spend worrying and use it serve and encourage others and praise God for his marvelous gifts.